Friday, May 27, 2005
Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames
Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames
© 2001 by Thich Nhat Hanh
Many people look for happiness outside themselves, but true happiness must come from inside of us. The most basic condition for happiness is freedom - freedom from the mental formations of anger, despair, jealousy and delusion.
When a person’s speech is full of anger it is because here she suffers deeply. Because he has so much suffering he becomes full of bitterness. He is always ready to complain and blame others for his problems. This is why you find it very unpleasant to listen to him and try to avoid him.
Listening with compassion can help the other person to suffer less, if you can sit down quietly and listen compassionately to that person for one hour you can relieve a lot of his suffering. You have to be very concentrated while you listen. Finally she came close and sat quietly left next to him something that she had never done in the last 5 years. She always shouted and her speech had been full of anger, bitterness, blaming and judging. They had only argued with each other. She had not spoken to him like this in years with so much love and tenderness. If we cannot restore communication happiness will never be possible. The practice of compassionate listening, the practice of loving speech and the practice of taking care of our anger are presented very clearly. To do this we must pay more attention to the bio-chemical aspects of anger because anger has its roots in our body as well as our mind. Anger is not strictly a psychological reality.
In Buddhism we call the body mind formation Mama Rupa. Mama Rupa is the Psycho Soma, the mind, body as one entity. The same reality sometimes appears as mind and sometimes appears as body. Our duality tells us that mind cannot be body and body cannot be mind. But look deeply we see that body is mind and mind is body. Modern medicine is aware that the sickness of the body may be a result of sickness in the mind and the sickness in our mind may be connected to sickness in our body.
Not only do we nourish our anger with edible food but also through what we consume with our eyes, ears and consciousness. The consumption of cultural items is also linked to anger. What we read in magazines, what we view on television can also be toxic. And they also contain anger and frustration. A film is like a piece of beefsteak, it can contain anger if you consume it you are eating anger you are eating frustration. Newspaper articles, meeting, conversations can contain a lot of anger. You may feel lonely sometimes and want to talk to some one. In one hour of conversation the other person’s words may poison you with a lot of toxins. There are those who take refuge in eating to forget their sorrow and their depression. When we eat well we can eat less. We need only half the amount of food that we eat every day. To eat well we should chew our food about 50 times before we swallow.
Eating is a deep practice. When I eat I enjoy every morsel of my food. When we eat mindfully we are not eating or chewing our anger our anxiety or our projects. We are chewing the food prepared lovingly by others. It is very pleasant. When you serve yourself be aware of your eyes. Don’t trust them; it is your eyes that push you to take too much food.
When someone says or does something that makes us angry we suffer, we tend to fail to do something back to make the other suffer with the hope that we would suffer less. We think I want to punish you; I want to make you suffer because you have made me suffer, and when I see you suffer a lot I will feel better. It is an escalation of suffering on both sides. Both of you need compassionate help, neither of you needs punishment. If you have some fire the most urgent things to do is to go back and try to put out the fire, not to run after the person you believed to be the arsonist. So when you are angry if you continue to interact with or argue with the other person if you try to punish her you are acting exactly like some of the run past of the arsonist or everything goes up in flame. It needs only one conscious step to be back in contact with yourself and everything around you.
Whenever you are not standing, sitting or lying down you are going. But where are you going? You have already arrived with every step you can arrive in the present moment; you can step into the pure land or into the kingdom of God.
When you are angry you are not very beautiful, you are not presentable, your face looks like a bomb ready to explode, look at someone who is angry when you see the tension in her you become frightened, show a mirror with you and look at it to see what state you are in. After you have breathed in and out a few times smiling at yourself, the tension will be gone and you will think from relief. Your anger is like that it needs to be cooked, in the beginning it is raw, you cannot eat raw potatoes. Your anger is very difficult to enjoy but if you know how to take care of it to put this then the negative energy of your anger will become the positive energy of understanding and compassion.
You accept your anger because you know you can take care of it and transform it into positive energy. At the moment you become angry you tend to believe that your misery has been created by another person, you blame him or her for all your suffering but by looking deeply you may realize that the seed of anger in you is the main cause of your suffering. Many other people confounded with the same situation will not get angry like you. They hear the same words, they see the same situation and yet they are able to stay calm and not be carried away, while you get angry so easily you may get angry very easily because your seed of anger is too strong. All of us have a seed of anger in the depth of our consciousness, but it some of us that seed of anger is bigger than other seeds like love or compassion. The seed of anger may be bigger because we have not practiced in the past, then we will stop blaming the other person for causing our suffering. We realize she or he is only a secondary cause, once you have taken care of your angry you become aware that she is still suffering now you can focus your attention on the other person, when someone does not know how to handle his own suffering he allows it spill all over the people around him. When you suffer you make people around you suffer.
We realize that what she needs is help and not punishment. While you are filled with the desire to return and help there is a completely different kind of thinking. You saw that his reaction, his anger was a kind of energy that had been transmitted to him by his father. He would become exactly like his father or continuation of his father. He did not want to treat his sister like that but the energy transmitted to him by his father was so strong that he almost did exactly what his father had done to him.
Darling I need your help, first allow this for foundation for your capacity to love the other person, if you don’t take good care of yourself if you are not happy if you are not peaceful you cannot make the other person happy. Your capacity for loving another person depends entirely on your capacity for loving yourself or taking care of yourself.
Many of us still have a wounded child within us. Our wounds may have been caused by a father or mother, taking care of ourselves; we must go back and take care of the wounded child inside of us. When you climb a beautiful mountain and invite your little child within to climb with you, when you can concentrate the beautiful sunset invite him or her to enjoy with you, if you do that for a few weeks or for a few months the wounded child in you will be healed. When you sit in a cafe, with a lot of music in the background a lot of projects in your hands you are not really drinking coffee or tea.
Darling it is wonderful that you are here alive it makes me very happy, the other person maybe caught in worries, anger and forgetfulness but with mindfulness, you can save her and yourself. Mindfulness is the energy of the Buddha. Start a peace talk with your loved one.
Darling in the past we have made each other suffer so much both of us were victims of our anger, we made a hell of each other, now I want to change, I wanted to become allies so that we can protect each other practice together and transform our anger together, but it is still the better life from now on based on the practice of mindfulness. Darling I need your help I need your support I need your co-operation I cannot succeed without you. You have to say these words to your partner your son, your daughter time to do it, this is the awakening this is love, so it is very important to go to your partner, to your beloved one and negotiate a strategy of peace, strategy of consuming, a strategy of protection, it is up to you to convince the other person.
Before we can make deep changes in our lives we have to look into our diet, our way of consuming, we have to live in such a way that we stop consuming the things that poison us and intoxicate us. Peace, reconciliation and happiness begin with you, the way you walk the way you breath, the way you smile the way you re-act all this is very important. We must begin with this, show that you no longer feel any anger or condemnation, show that you understand and respect the other person. We are primarily responsible for anger but we believe very nicely that if we can say something or do something to punish the other person we will suffer a lot, because whatever you do or say in a state of anger will only cause more damage in the relationship. Instead, you should try not to say anything when we are angry. When you say something really unkind, what you do when you do something in retaliation, their anger increases, you make the other person suffer and you will try hard to say or do something back to get relieved from this suffering. Trying to punish the other person is only going to make situations worse, so promise each other that every time you get angry you will not say or do anything out of anger. Take advantage of the moments when you are happy together to sign the contract, your peace treaty a treaty of true love. Your peace treaty should be written and signed entirely on the basis of love.
The Buddha never advised us to suppress our anger he told us to go back to ourselves and take good care of it. This does not mean that you have to hide your anger you have to let the other person know that you are angry and that you suffer, if the other person is dear to you then you have to confess that you are angry and that you suffer, tell him, or her in a calm way.
Darling, I am angry at you I suffer try your best to say it peacefully. You must do this as soon as possible. You should not keep your anger or your sufferings to yourself for more than 24 hours. Write a peace message deliver the letter to her and make sure she gets it before 24 hours past. You can add I am doing my best.
While embracing your anger you practice looking deeply to see the nature of your anger because you know that you may be the victim of a wrong perception, you may have misunderstood what you heard and what you saw. You may have a wrong idea of what have been said what have been done. Your anger is born from such ignorance and wrong perception. You remember that you should not be so sure that you are the victim of the other person’s wrong doing, the victim of the other person’s words give your self and you have created the hell inside you.
Please help me, Darling I need your help, if you are capable of writing or saying these three sentences you are capable of true love, Darling I suffer and I want you to know it, Darling I am doing my best. I am trying not to blame anyone else including you since we are so close to each other since we have made a commitment to each other, I feel that I need your support and your help to get out of the state of suffering of anger. Because you are doing your best I am too doing my best. I have to ask myself, what shall I say? What shall I do? That has made her suffer like that. Why do I do that? So when the other person receives a message a message communicated by loving speech he will be inspired by your love by your language and by your practice. Perhaps, you’ve become aware that you became angry because of the wrong perception when you have such an insight you have to tell the other person right away.
In the Vietnamese tradition husband and wife are expected to treat each other like a guest. You really respect each other, you behave with reverence, without such mutual respect love cannot last for long time anger and other negative energies will begin to predominant. You may like to write these three sentences down on a piece of paper the size of credit card and slip it into your wallet. Believe that sheet of paper as something that can save you because that will remind you of your commitment to each other. Some of us keep a pebble in our pocket every time we put our hands on pocket we touch the small pebble and hold it gently. We practice mindful breathing and we feel very peaceful.
The Pebble becomes the dormer; just holding the pebble breathing in and out counting them small and can help you tremendously. Place a little pebble in your pocket to act as your teacher. Anger is a sign of energy and the best way to do this is to generate another sign of energy that can embrace and take care of our anger. That second form is the energy of Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the energy of the Buddha. Energy is on one whose anger Energy is on two is mindfulness.
If you don’t have garbage you have nothing to use in order to make compost and if you have no compost there is nothing to nourish the flower in you. You need the suffering and afflictions in you since they are organic, we know that you can transform them and make good use of them. Doing violence to the others is doing violence to you. If you do not have the inside of mind duality you will still be violent. You would still want to punish to suppress and to destroy but once you have penetrated the reality as non-duality, we will smile at those of the flower and garbage in you, you would embrace both, this inside is the ground for your non-violent action.
Do not keep your suffering or anger to yourself for more than one day, you have to say these three things in a calm and loving way and you must train yourself to do so. The moment you tell him or deliver the notes to him, you would always feel some relief, better sit –down Friday evening and look deeply together, perhaps you say this on Monday or Tuesday so you have another three or four days to practice.
In our consciousness, there are many negative seeds and also many positive seeds. So practice is to devoid watering the negative and for identifying water into positive seeds everyday, so please don’t water the seeds of anger intolerance irritation and despair in me and I promise not to water these needs in you. I know that you also have negative seeds and I will be very careful not to water these seeds in you because I know if I do you will be very unhappy and then I will suffer also. I vow only to water the positive seeds in you, the seeds of love compassion and understanding, the other person is not the main of our anger. The practice of selective watering is very effective when I was watering the flower in the other person can make him or her begin to learn, it is grossly difficult to do. This is why having the community of practices is so important. We need the same way in your brother, sister, friend to remind you of what you already know.
Recognize first at the main cause of your suffering is the seed of anger in you and that the other person is only a secondary cause. If you don’t help who will. Most of the time anger is born from a wrong perception; the image of the sun that you see is the image of the sun some 8 minutes ago. Sunlight takes 8 minutes to reach the earth from such a long distance, also when you see a star you think that the star is there but the star may have disappeared already, one or two 10,000 years before. It is very helpful to write on a piece of paper “Are you sure” and hang it up in your room. When you are angry and you suffer, please go back and inspect very deeply the concept and the nature of your perception. You listen only to help the other person who express himself and find some relief from his suffering with only one condition you must use calm and loving speech. The moment the irritation manifests, the moment you think you are going to lose your calm, externally please stop.
Darling I cannot continue now, wait when we meet another time I need to practice my mind for walking and breathing. I am not at my best right now, so I do not think I can put these in the practice of loving speech. You can make a mistake only when you forget that the other person suffers, we tend to believe that you are the only one who suffers and the other person is enjoying your suffering. Understand that the other person suffers and that I must help. If you want to help correct her wrong perception, you have to wait until the moment is right, you don’t say anything you just listen and perhaps, a few days later when she feels, much better you try to give her the information as she needs to correct her perception.
Darling, the other day you said something but that is not really what happened. What happened is anger needs time to die down, when you turn off the fan it continues to spin and few thousand before stopping, anger is like that don’t except the other person to stop being angry right away. Patience is the mark of true love. When it is raining we think that there is no sunshine but if we fly high in an airplane and go through the cloud we re-discover the sunshine again. We see that the sunshine is always there.
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1573221872
© 2001 by Thich Nhat Hanh
Many people look for happiness outside themselves, but true happiness must come from inside of us. The most basic condition for happiness is freedom - freedom from the mental formations of anger, despair, jealousy and delusion.
When a person’s speech is full of anger it is because here she suffers deeply. Because he has so much suffering he becomes full of bitterness. He is always ready to complain and blame others for his problems. This is why you find it very unpleasant to listen to him and try to avoid him.
Listening with compassion can help the other person to suffer less, if you can sit down quietly and listen compassionately to that person for one hour you can relieve a lot of his suffering. You have to be very concentrated while you listen. Finally she came close and sat quietly left next to him something that she had never done in the last 5 years. She always shouted and her speech had been full of anger, bitterness, blaming and judging. They had only argued with each other. She had not spoken to him like this in years with so much love and tenderness. If we cannot restore communication happiness will never be possible. The practice of compassionate listening, the practice of loving speech and the practice of taking care of our anger are presented very clearly. To do this we must pay more attention to the bio-chemical aspects of anger because anger has its roots in our body as well as our mind. Anger is not strictly a psychological reality.
In Buddhism we call the body mind formation Mama Rupa. Mama Rupa is the Psycho Soma, the mind, body as one entity. The same reality sometimes appears as mind and sometimes appears as body. Our duality tells us that mind cannot be body and body cannot be mind. But look deeply we see that body is mind and mind is body. Modern medicine is aware that the sickness of the body may be a result of sickness in the mind and the sickness in our mind may be connected to sickness in our body.
Not only do we nourish our anger with edible food but also through what we consume with our eyes, ears and consciousness. The consumption of cultural items is also linked to anger. What we read in magazines, what we view on television can also be toxic. And they also contain anger and frustration. A film is like a piece of beefsteak, it can contain anger if you consume it you are eating anger you are eating frustration. Newspaper articles, meeting, conversations can contain a lot of anger. You may feel lonely sometimes and want to talk to some one. In one hour of conversation the other person’s words may poison you with a lot of toxins. There are those who take refuge in eating to forget their sorrow and their depression. When we eat well we can eat less. We need only half the amount of food that we eat every day. To eat well we should chew our food about 50 times before we swallow.
Eating is a deep practice. When I eat I enjoy every morsel of my food. When we eat mindfully we are not eating or chewing our anger our anxiety or our projects. We are chewing the food prepared lovingly by others. It is very pleasant. When you serve yourself be aware of your eyes. Don’t trust them; it is your eyes that push you to take too much food.
When someone says or does something that makes us angry we suffer, we tend to fail to do something back to make the other suffer with the hope that we would suffer less. We think I want to punish you; I want to make you suffer because you have made me suffer, and when I see you suffer a lot I will feel better. It is an escalation of suffering on both sides. Both of you need compassionate help, neither of you needs punishment. If you have some fire the most urgent things to do is to go back and try to put out the fire, not to run after the person you believed to be the arsonist. So when you are angry if you continue to interact with or argue with the other person if you try to punish her you are acting exactly like some of the run past of the arsonist or everything goes up in flame. It needs only one conscious step to be back in contact with yourself and everything around you.
Whenever you are not standing, sitting or lying down you are going. But where are you going? You have already arrived with every step you can arrive in the present moment; you can step into the pure land or into the kingdom of God.
When you are angry you are not very beautiful, you are not presentable, your face looks like a bomb ready to explode, look at someone who is angry when you see the tension in her you become frightened, show a mirror with you and look at it to see what state you are in. After you have breathed in and out a few times smiling at yourself, the tension will be gone and you will think from relief. Your anger is like that it needs to be cooked, in the beginning it is raw, you cannot eat raw potatoes. Your anger is very difficult to enjoy but if you know how to take care of it to put this then the negative energy of your anger will become the positive energy of understanding and compassion.
You accept your anger because you know you can take care of it and transform it into positive energy. At the moment you become angry you tend to believe that your misery has been created by another person, you blame him or her for all your suffering but by looking deeply you may realize that the seed of anger in you is the main cause of your suffering. Many other people confounded with the same situation will not get angry like you. They hear the same words, they see the same situation and yet they are able to stay calm and not be carried away, while you get angry so easily you may get angry very easily because your seed of anger is too strong. All of us have a seed of anger in the depth of our consciousness, but it some of us that seed of anger is bigger than other seeds like love or compassion. The seed of anger may be bigger because we have not practiced in the past, then we will stop blaming the other person for causing our suffering. We realize she or he is only a secondary cause, once you have taken care of your angry you become aware that she is still suffering now you can focus your attention on the other person, when someone does not know how to handle his own suffering he allows it spill all over the people around him. When you suffer you make people around you suffer.
We realize that what she needs is help and not punishment. While you are filled with the desire to return and help there is a completely different kind of thinking. You saw that his reaction, his anger was a kind of energy that had been transmitted to him by his father. He would become exactly like his father or continuation of his father. He did not want to treat his sister like that but the energy transmitted to him by his father was so strong that he almost did exactly what his father had done to him.
Darling I need your help, first allow this for foundation for your capacity to love the other person, if you don’t take good care of yourself if you are not happy if you are not peaceful you cannot make the other person happy. Your capacity for loving another person depends entirely on your capacity for loving yourself or taking care of yourself.
Many of us still have a wounded child within us. Our wounds may have been caused by a father or mother, taking care of ourselves; we must go back and take care of the wounded child inside of us. When you climb a beautiful mountain and invite your little child within to climb with you, when you can concentrate the beautiful sunset invite him or her to enjoy with you, if you do that for a few weeks or for a few months the wounded child in you will be healed. When you sit in a cafe, with a lot of music in the background a lot of projects in your hands you are not really drinking coffee or tea.
Darling it is wonderful that you are here alive it makes me very happy, the other person maybe caught in worries, anger and forgetfulness but with mindfulness, you can save her and yourself. Mindfulness is the energy of the Buddha. Start a peace talk with your loved one.
Darling in the past we have made each other suffer so much both of us were victims of our anger, we made a hell of each other, now I want to change, I wanted to become allies so that we can protect each other practice together and transform our anger together, but it is still the better life from now on based on the practice of mindfulness. Darling I need your help I need your support I need your co-operation I cannot succeed without you. You have to say these words to your partner your son, your daughter time to do it, this is the awakening this is love, so it is very important to go to your partner, to your beloved one and negotiate a strategy of peace, strategy of consuming, a strategy of protection, it is up to you to convince the other person.
Before we can make deep changes in our lives we have to look into our diet, our way of consuming, we have to live in such a way that we stop consuming the things that poison us and intoxicate us. Peace, reconciliation and happiness begin with you, the way you walk the way you breath, the way you smile the way you re-act all this is very important. We must begin with this, show that you no longer feel any anger or condemnation, show that you understand and respect the other person. We are primarily responsible for anger but we believe very nicely that if we can say something or do something to punish the other person we will suffer a lot, because whatever you do or say in a state of anger will only cause more damage in the relationship. Instead, you should try not to say anything when we are angry. When you say something really unkind, what you do when you do something in retaliation, their anger increases, you make the other person suffer and you will try hard to say or do something back to get relieved from this suffering. Trying to punish the other person is only going to make situations worse, so promise each other that every time you get angry you will not say or do anything out of anger. Take advantage of the moments when you are happy together to sign the contract, your peace treaty a treaty of true love. Your peace treaty should be written and signed entirely on the basis of love.
The Buddha never advised us to suppress our anger he told us to go back to ourselves and take good care of it. This does not mean that you have to hide your anger you have to let the other person know that you are angry and that you suffer, if the other person is dear to you then you have to confess that you are angry and that you suffer, tell him, or her in a calm way.
Darling, I am angry at you I suffer try your best to say it peacefully. You must do this as soon as possible. You should not keep your anger or your sufferings to yourself for more than 24 hours. Write a peace message deliver the letter to her and make sure she gets it before 24 hours past. You can add I am doing my best.
While embracing your anger you practice looking deeply to see the nature of your anger because you know that you may be the victim of a wrong perception, you may have misunderstood what you heard and what you saw. You may have a wrong idea of what have been said what have been done. Your anger is born from such ignorance and wrong perception. You remember that you should not be so sure that you are the victim of the other person’s wrong doing, the victim of the other person’s words give your self and you have created the hell inside you.
Please help me, Darling I need your help, if you are capable of writing or saying these three sentences you are capable of true love, Darling I suffer and I want you to know it, Darling I am doing my best. I am trying not to blame anyone else including you since we are so close to each other since we have made a commitment to each other, I feel that I need your support and your help to get out of the state of suffering of anger. Because you are doing your best I am too doing my best. I have to ask myself, what shall I say? What shall I do? That has made her suffer like that. Why do I do that? So when the other person receives a message a message communicated by loving speech he will be inspired by your love by your language and by your practice. Perhaps, you’ve become aware that you became angry because of the wrong perception when you have such an insight you have to tell the other person right away.
In the Vietnamese tradition husband and wife are expected to treat each other like a guest. You really respect each other, you behave with reverence, without such mutual respect love cannot last for long time anger and other negative energies will begin to predominant. You may like to write these three sentences down on a piece of paper the size of credit card and slip it into your wallet. Believe that sheet of paper as something that can save you because that will remind you of your commitment to each other. Some of us keep a pebble in our pocket every time we put our hands on pocket we touch the small pebble and hold it gently. We practice mindful breathing and we feel very peaceful.
The Pebble becomes the dormer; just holding the pebble breathing in and out counting them small and can help you tremendously. Place a little pebble in your pocket to act as your teacher. Anger is a sign of energy and the best way to do this is to generate another sign of energy that can embrace and take care of our anger. That second form is the energy of Mindfulness. Mindfulness is the energy of the Buddha. Energy is on one whose anger Energy is on two is mindfulness.
If you don’t have garbage you have nothing to use in order to make compost and if you have no compost there is nothing to nourish the flower in you. You need the suffering and afflictions in you since they are organic, we know that you can transform them and make good use of them. Doing violence to the others is doing violence to you. If you do not have the inside of mind duality you will still be violent. You would still want to punish to suppress and to destroy but once you have penetrated the reality as non-duality, we will smile at those of the flower and garbage in you, you would embrace both, this inside is the ground for your non-violent action.
Do not keep your suffering or anger to yourself for more than one day, you have to say these three things in a calm and loving way and you must train yourself to do so. The moment you tell him or deliver the notes to him, you would always feel some relief, better sit –down Friday evening and look deeply together, perhaps you say this on Monday or Tuesday so you have another three or four days to practice.
In our consciousness, there are many negative seeds and also many positive seeds. So practice is to devoid watering the negative and for identifying water into positive seeds everyday, so please don’t water the seeds of anger intolerance irritation and despair in me and I promise not to water these needs in you. I know that you also have negative seeds and I will be very careful not to water these seeds in you because I know if I do you will be very unhappy and then I will suffer also. I vow only to water the positive seeds in you, the seeds of love compassion and understanding, the other person is not the main of our anger. The practice of selective watering is very effective when I was watering the flower in the other person can make him or her begin to learn, it is grossly difficult to do. This is why having the community of practices is so important. We need the same way in your brother, sister, friend to remind you of what you already know.
Recognize first at the main cause of your suffering is the seed of anger in you and that the other person is only a secondary cause. If you don’t help who will. Most of the time anger is born from a wrong perception; the image of the sun that you see is the image of the sun some 8 minutes ago. Sunlight takes 8 minutes to reach the earth from such a long distance, also when you see a star you think that the star is there but the star may have disappeared already, one or two 10,000 years before. It is very helpful to write on a piece of paper “Are you sure” and hang it up in your room. When you are angry and you suffer, please go back and inspect very deeply the concept and the nature of your perception. You listen only to help the other person who express himself and find some relief from his suffering with only one condition you must use calm and loving speech. The moment the irritation manifests, the moment you think you are going to lose your calm, externally please stop.
Darling I cannot continue now, wait when we meet another time I need to practice my mind for walking and breathing. I am not at my best right now, so I do not think I can put these in the practice of loving speech. You can make a mistake only when you forget that the other person suffers, we tend to believe that you are the only one who suffers and the other person is enjoying your suffering. Understand that the other person suffers and that I must help. If you want to help correct her wrong perception, you have to wait until the moment is right, you don’t say anything you just listen and perhaps, a few days later when she feels, much better you try to give her the information as she needs to correct her perception.
Darling, the other day you said something but that is not really what happened. What happened is anger needs time to die down, when you turn off the fan it continues to spin and few thousand before stopping, anger is like that don’t except the other person to stop being angry right away. Patience is the mark of true love. When it is raining we think that there is no sunshine but if we fly high in an airplane and go through the cloud we re-discover the sunshine again. We see that the sunshine is always there.
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1573221872
